epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep7 (Until He's Back)
Last Time on a Wiki Tales (Tigers body starts to glow) Steeler: what the- (Tiger is then boosted up into the sky past the clouds) Wonder: Tiger?! Tiger: Dragons Light is home to some of the smartest minds on Pandora, giver take they're all Dragons, but they still know what they're doing, besides, their leader owes me a favor. Dragon: my condolences, so I assume you want another body for ROB, did you save his memory chip. Tiger: *holds up the chip* first thing I thought of. Dragon: I see...well, I'd love to help but- Tiger: but what? Dragon: do you remember The Burning Clan? They attacked us Wonder: alright, for the third fucking time, let's move. (The group starts to walk into the cave as the screen goes black) This Time (The screen is black as the groups voices can be heard) Sceptile: gah, can't see a fucking thing. Joe: you'd think a fire clan would have more, well, fire around, if anything the cave seems moist. Wonder: I suppose it's so they don't get detected. Sceptile: Burger detected them half asleep. Tiger: that's Burger for you, looks like a couch potato but is actually a fat Albert Einstein. Steeler: well I'm no fan of the dark, so if we could please hurry up. Joe: calm down Steeler, nothing's gunna happen to- Man 1: Welcome! (Huge flames blow out from the ground lighting up the room) (Screen shows a big circular room with a staircase and a poll in the middle) Sceptile: oh geez. Wonder: what the fuck is this. Fire: tonight's showing consists of the beautiful Firebrand! Flare: and the charming Flareblitz! Steeler: are we at the right place? Sceptile: I suppose these are our guys. Steeler: ones a female. Wonder: give us the Dragons Materials and no one needs to get hurt. (Fire and Flare slide down the poll) Fire: Flare honey, these naughty boys seem to not want a show. Flare: it's alright Fire baby, sooner or later they'll be begging for one, either that or mercy. (Fire and Flare reach the ground) Fire: so, what do we do with them? Flare: well first let's get comfortable. (Flare and Fire rip off their clothes to reveal skin-tight one-pieces) Fire: much much better. Steeler: what the fuck. Joe: you looking at the dude? Steeler: fuck you. Sceptile: you guys make jokes at horrible times. Flare: Are ya ready babe? Fire: why of course. (Fire and Flare pull out Flamethrowers) Fire: let's have some fun! FIRE AND FLARE! THIS COUPLE IS HOT (Fire and Flare shoot their Flamethrowers at the group) Joe: shit! Sceptile: Scale Shield! (A grass-like shield appears in front of the group) (The shield is able to block the flames as Fire and Flare stop shooting) Steeler: what? You could do magic this whole time. Sceptile: yes but...it's...horribly exhausting. Tiger: he only uses it in dire situations. Wonder: it doesn't look like it'll hold, we have to move! Steeler: I got this! (Steeler jumps out from the shield and aims his Minigun at Fire and Flare) Steeler: take this motherfuckers! (Steeler starts to shoot his Minigun) Flare: cute. Fire: me or what he's doing? Flare: both baby. Fire: oh you. (Steelers bullets start to melt the closer they get to Fire and Flare) Steeler: wha-what? Joe: what's happening? Steeler: the-they're so hot, it's melting my bullets. Fire: how sweet of you, I like this man. (A burst of fire comes out from under Steeler and send him flying) Steeler: ahg! Flare: you made me jealous. Fire: oh Flare, you get jealous way too easily. Flare: you're never stop being mine baby. (Steeler hits the roof then falls to the ground) Wonder: shit! Steeler! Steeler: a-uhg, I-I'm ok... Sceptile: I can no longer hold this shield. (Sceptile shield goes away) Sceptile: run! (The group starts to scatter around the room) Flare: do they think they can escape our hotness? Fire: that's a pretty big challenge. (Fire and Flare start to shoot their Flamethrowers around the room) Joe: *almost gets hit* fuckfuckfuck! Tiger: there's no where to take cover! *ducks under Flares flame* Sceptile: I can't run up to them, I'd be burnt to a crisp! Tiger: we have to do- (A burst of fire hits Tiger from below and send him flying like Steeler) (Tiger hits the roof and falls to the ground) Tiger: a-ah-ahh, fuck. Joe: Tig- (Joe is hit by a flame from below sending him in the air) Wonder: this isn't good. (Wonder turns to Fire and Flare who are standing in front of him) Flare: hello. (Flare punches Wonder with a burning punch, sending him to the ground) Wonder: gah! Fuck you! Fire: my turn honey. (Fire kicks Wonder in the face) Wonder: ahg! Flare: nice one, nice one. (Wonder starts to bleed from his mouth) Wonder: uhg... (Wonder spits which hits Fire in the foot) (The spit makes some of Fires foot disappear) Fire: Ahhhg! Wonder: huh? (Fire grabs her foot in pain) Fire: that motherfucker! Kill him! Wonder:...water...of fucking course water! (Wonder stands up and spits in Flares face) (The spit hits Flares eye which disappears) Flare: gah! You piece of- Wonder: guys! Water! Their weakness is fucking water! (Joe gets up) Joe: Sceptile? Do you have any water spells? Sceptile: I do...but I can't use magic at this time. (Fire is about to punch Wonder) Fire: you piece of- (Wonder spits on Fires hand making it disappear) Fire: Ahhg! No! Wonder: guys, just come over here and do what I'm doing. (Sceptile and Joe go to Wonder and see him spitting on Fire and Flare) Sceptile: this is disturbing. Wonder: well unless you have bottles of water- Steeler: I do. (Steeler is shown with 2 bottles of water in his hand) Sceptile: oh, sorta forgot you were here. Joe: where'd you get those? Steeler: I always, always have water in my inventory. Tiger: *walks over to the group* Steeler, give me a bottle, I have an idea. Steeler: uh, sure. (Steeler passes a bottle of water to Tiger) Tiger: thanks. (Tiger dumps the water into his gun) Joe: that's not how it works. Tiger: well, let's see. (Tiger starts shooting at Fire and Flare) (Water bullets start to come out of Tigers gun and hitting Fire and Flare) Joe: ok I guess it does work like that. Fire: no! no! Flare: stop this! We cannot lose! (More and more of Fire and Flares body parts start to disappear) Wonder: we got them. Flare: please no...please! Fire: you help the Dragons...after what they did- Sceptile: that's it. (Sceptile snatches the other water bottle from Steeler) Steeler: h-hey! (Sceptile starts to pour the water on Fire and Flare) Fire: n-no... Flare: babe... (Fire and Flare completely disappear) Steeler:...what was she gunna say? Sceptile: probably some bullshit. Wonder:...it's done. Joe: that was an odd battle. Tiger: who cares, let's find those fucking materials. Wonder: I assume they'd be up the stairs. (A bunch of metal boxes fall from the roof) Joe: what the- Steeler: those boxes weren't on the roof when we got here. Tiger: what's in them? (Sceptile walks over to a box) Tiger: be careful Scep. Sceptile:... (Sceptile opens the box) Sceptile:...it's- Steeler: what? Sceptile: it's the data from the lab! Joe: what? How? Wonder: it's the supplies? Sceptile, get your robot out. Sceptile: already am. (Sceptile throws a metal box into the air which turns into a human shaped robot) Metal: Metal on, all system complete. Sceptile: Metal, collect all these boxes. Metal: shrink collect chosen, shrink collect engage. (Metal sucks up one of the boxes into his chest) Joe: are we ignoring these fell out of literal no where? Metal: item collected. Sceptile: all boxes. Metal: I fucking heard you. Steeler: geez, tough bot. (Metal starts to walks to each box and suck them up) Steeler: so what now? Wonder: it seems we're in the clear. Tiger: it doesn't feel right. Steeler: what doesn't? Tiger: they weren't the leaders of the Burning Clan, I mean, it wouldn't make sense if they were, they were 2 people who seemed to just have sex all day. Sceptile: we don't know the leader, it could of easily been them. Tiger: it just doesn't feel right. Joe: well no one else is here. Man 1: Fire? Flare? Did you rid of those intruders? Sceptile: oh geez. (A red man is seen walking down the stairs) Man 1: I swear when you two get rid of anyone that comes in here you can't wait to get upstairs for celebration sex. Steeler: uhh. Devil: well let Devil in on the fun for once why don't ya, I can-*sees the group*-...w-what? Tiger:...hi? Devil: wh-where's Fire and Flare?! Wonder:...they- Steeler: we killed them. Joe: Steeler- Steeler: what? It's true. Devil: y-you killed them...my only friends. Tiger: oh geez. Devil:...you killed my only friends! Wonder: woah there buddy, calm down. (Devil: turns into a gigantic flame) Devil: I'll fucking kill all of you! DEVIL! HELL ON EARTH Devil: you killed them! You killed them! (Devil sends out a shockwave that makes the group fall to the ground) Steeler: fuck! Tiger: he's strong! Metal: *starts to slow down* overheating, overheating. Joe: shit. Sceptile: I don't have the patience for this. (Sceptile aims his hand at Devil) Devil: I'll turn you all into fucking toast! Sceptile:...Splash. (A wave of water comes out of Sceptiles hand and hits Devil) Devil: huh?...aaaaahhhhhhggggg! (Sceptile continues to shoot the water at Devil) Devil: No! No! Stop! (Devil starts to get smaller and smaller) Devil: please! Let me live! You don't know who you're help- (Devil completely disappears) Steeler:...that was...easier then it should have been. Sceptile:...*puts arm down* Metal? Are you ok? (Metal starts to move at normal speed and sucks up the last box) Metal: all boxes are contained! Steeler: this robot is boring. Wonder: ok, we got the boxes, let's go before me meet anymore freaks. Tiger: agreed. (Tiger looks at the memory chip in his hands) Tiger:...we're bringing you back buddy. (The screen goes black) (Screen shows Burger and Sceptile working on an almost identical model of ROB) (Dragon and the group are seen a few feet away) Joe:...I thought you said you made ROB by scratch. Tiger: I did, I just copied their model. Dragon: a damn good job of it too, I thought he stole it from us at first. Tiger: but you saw Metal, I had to do something different with ROB. Wonder: so...is it going to work? Dragon: I suppose it's possible, I'm positive it will turn the body on, of it will be ROB is an entirely different question. Tiger:... Dragon:...Sceptile and Burger are working their hardest on it, I'm sure it'll end up fine. Steeler:...hm? (Steelers ECHO starts to ring as it shows TKs face on it) TK: I ask again, where the fuck are you- (Steeler hangs up the ECHO) Steeler:...we need to hurry up with this mission. Joe: why do you keep hanging up? Steeler: cause I hate impatient people. Joe: you just said we have to hurry up. Steeler: it's different. Joe: it's not different, you're just stupid...and gay. Steeler: I ain't gay! Wonder: what's wrong with being gay? Joe: nothing. Steeler: I'm not gay though. Joe: did Flare give you a boner? Steeler: you better hope someone cuts off my sentence or I'll- Sceptile: Tiger! (Screen shows Sceptile and Burger stand the body up as the group walks towards them) Steeler:...you got lucky. Tiger:...*takes out the chip* Burger: just put it in...see if it works. Tiger:... (Tiger puts the Memory chip inside of the body) (The bodies face starts to move a little) Joe:... Wonder:.... (The bodies eyes open up) ROB: hello Tiger. (The screen goes black as ROBs voice can still be heard) ROB: I'm still here. Next Time on Wiki Tales Steeler: ok, yay, yay, ROBs back, have we completely forgotten we are trying to kill Wachow? Wonder: he's right, we need to give this Puppet Flute to CW. ROB: p-please don't mention that thing a-around me ever again. CW: oh, you're alive...I was already telling TJ to make your graves... Tiger: here's your fucking flute, give us the fucking Crozon. CW: ah yes, but one more thing. (Tiger aims his gun at CW) Tiger: unless that thing is Crozon, I will shoot you. CW:... (Wachow is seen walking through the desert with Peter and Lloyd) Wachow:...sooner or later I'll see them again...haven't had this much fun in a while. Category:Blog posts